In My Place
by fphp
Summary: Ray does some thinking...post From Here to Paternity


_Notes: Hi! As I said before, I'm a huge Coldplay fan and "In My Place" is another song that makes me think of Ray and Neela whenever I hear it—it is one possible direction Ray's thoughts could be going post-"From Here to Paternity." I can't seem to stop, can I? (If you've read "Warning Sign," this is the Ray version.) Thanks for reading! _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing related to ER or to Coldplay, although I love them both._

Ray never sat at the kitchen table; why he was sitting there now, he couldn't tell you. It was late, but Ray found himself utterly unable to sleep—_like when Neela first moved out_. He was hunched over in his chair, chin resting on his hand, staring in the direction of her room. Finding a roommate had proved unfruitful a long time ago, and to be honest, Ray was relieved. There was only one person who could fill the void in his apartment.

Ray was not the type to analyze his personal life; one-night stands don't usually require much thinking. But for the first time in his life, he found that he couldn't shut off the motor in his brain—there was no 'on/off' switch labeled 'Neela.' She was like a constant throbbing in his head, sometimes a pleasant throbbing, and at other times an aching throbbing. So when she was sitting next to him in his car, all it took was one deep look into her eyes and…it just happened. No thinking involved.

But was it the right thing to do? The possible consequences didn't pervade his mind until after he stepped through the door of his apartment. Where did this put them…where did it put their friendship? He was so used to being there for her as a friend that he didn't know if it was the right time to change his place in her life. Would she even accept his new place?

_In my place, in my place  
Were lines that I couldn't change  
I was lost, oh yeah  
I was lost, I was lost  
crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed  
I was lost, oh yeah_

He had given her time—so much time, in fact, that he felt as if he had truly lost his best friend. Their relationship had improved over the last few months, but it somehow wasn't the same. It wasn't the same because Neela wasn't the same. Ray knew her better than she even knew herself: she was still lost, still looking for the moment when the realization that Michael was gone would hit her. Instead of facing her grief, she had run from it.

_Yeah, how long must you wait for it?  
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?  
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?  
_

He had tried words, but they never seemed to be enough. Telling her she was his best friend didn't express the extent of his feelings, and the one time he had tried to tell her how he felt, Gates timely interrupted. She had walked away both times, and the one fear that had permeated his soul was that she was gone—that she would never come back.

_I was scared, I was scared  
Tired and under-prepared  
But I'll wait for it  
And if you go, if you go  
And leave me down here on my own  
Then I'll wait for you_

The second time she walked away, Ray had decided that he was done. He was exhausted, and he honestly didn't know if he could watch her turn her back a third time. But Ray had fallen hard. All it had taken was the sight of Neela sitting on a bar stool next to him at Ike's for his resolve to completely wash away. It killed him as every day he fell a little bit harder…but he would wait for her. He would wait for her to realize that he had been standing in front of her all this time.__

And yeah, how long must you wait for it?  
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?  
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?

She had kissed him back…that had to mean something. Maybe he had finally gotten through to her. Ray knew that even though he wasn't in the habit of over-analyzing, Neela was. All he had to do was force her to actually think about her life and the direction she was pushing it in. __

Sing it please, please, please  
Come back and sing to me, to me, to me  
Come on and sing it out now, now  
Come on and sing it out, to me, me  
Come back and sing 

What he wouldn't give to have her sitting next to him now—just her presence was enough. Ray knew in his heart that he loved Neela—he had known it for a long time—but for the first time he actually said it out loud. _I love her_. He was surprised at the hint of pain apparent in his own voice. Ray didn't know what else to do. What else could he do? Wait.__

In my place, in my place  
Were lines that I couldn't change  
And I was lost, oh yeah  
Oh yeah

It was two o'clock in the morning, so Ray was more than surprised to hear a loud knock on the door just as he got up to pour himself more coffee. He opened the door, and found Neela gazing back at him with deep, forlorn eyes. Before he could utter a word, she was in his arms.

It seems that lines can be changed after all.


End file.
